Kim waiting for a call from Cody, who is incarcerated in a Texas prison. With permission, he can make an international call to Kim for five minutes every 90 days.

What a difference a border makes.

My name is Kim and I live in Ontario, Canada and my husband is incarcerated in Texas. The Texas Department of Criminal Justice, for whatever reason, allows inmates with family living outside of the U.S. just one five-minute call every 90 days. But even for that, you need special permission.

Those inmates with family living in the United States are allowed 240 minutes per month which may soon increase to 480 minutes a month. I have to do with five minutes.

Just how much can you cram into a five-minute conversation with a loved one you haven’t heard from in months? If it is the only time you get, you take what you’re given.

I received a call in May at five in the morning. It was a caller I was not expecting to hear—my husband.

“Hey Baby,” he said.

When I heard his voice, I just started to cry. I hadn’t heard his voice in so long that I actually had to ask if it was him.

Those five minutes felt like a few seconds that flew by so fast.

Our conversation amounted to just simple things: How are the girls? How are you? I love you…but after four minutes, I was reminded of the ticking clock.

“Well, we only have one minute left so if there is anything you want to tell me you had better tell me now,” he said.

“I love you,” is all I could say through my tears and crackly voice.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yes, I just miss you.”

“I miss you too and I love you and I’ll call you again in 3 months,” he said.

Unfortunately those were the last words I heard my husband say to me.

Extradited across the border

I met Cody, my 38-year-old husband, two years ago when he came to Canada on vacation. Cody, an American citizen, was a friend of my brother’s who asked to stay at my house for a few days.

We fell in love, but unfortunately trouble was not far off. Because Cody did not report to his probation officer in Texas, the authorities came looking for him and he ended up in a Canadian jail.

At first, I would wake up every Sunday at 6:00 am to drive to the detention centre where he was being held. I waited in line for 2 hours for the 9:00 am visits.

Those visits—separated by glass—lasted about 20 minutes.

Then he was deported from Canada and moved to a New York state prison. At first I had no idea where he was. I finally got a call from him and we talked every day for 15 minutes.

I also drove about 90 minutes to visit him every other weekend. These visits were an hour long and we were allowed to be physically next to each other–no glass separated us. Just the type of visit any spouse hopes for.

But once again, trouble was heading our way. He was extradited to Texas and that is when I found out that the Texas Department of Criminal Justice does not allow calls outside the U.S.

Now he’s 3,000 miles away and I can’t talk to him and I can’t visit because of the distance and the expense.

I promised him that I would not only write every single day but that I would move to Texas. I haven’t missed one day of writing (neither has he) in nearly a year, but it’s a struggle finding a good job so I can move my family to Texas.

Cody has to put in a request to the Warden asking to make a single five-minute call every 90 days. He must have a clean record inside and have made no trouble. He does exactly what is expected of him and more. During his time in TDCJ, he hasn’t even been written up for a minor case. He was recently promoted to trustee level.

Waiting for the next call

I have yet to hear from him after the last call when he told me he’d talk to me again in three months. It turns out that he was moved to a medical unit from where calls are not allowed at all.

Cody has a herniated disc in his neck and he has lost the use of this right arm and hand yet he still manages to write every day. He will, no doubt, need surgery and I can’t even talk to him about it. That makes things all the more difficult for me.

Once he is transferred to a new unit, in all likelihood, we will have to wait another 90 days to see if that unit’s warden will let him call home.  There are no guarantees.

Five minutes may seem like nothing to most people, but I would give anything to get a precious five minute call every 3 months just to hear my husband tell me that he loves me and that he’s okay.

(Kim, 42, is the mother of two daughters struggling to stay in touch with her husband.)

Share your Experience:

In words (send an email to familylifebehindbars@gmail.com)

Your Voice

Pictures

Poems

UPDATE: Listen to the recorded program here.

Hour Friend In Deed, a program that connects mentors with children who have an incarcerated parent, is on the verge of losing its financial support.

For the past five years, the program has helped children with a parent (or both parents) in prison develop positive behavior and personal identities by pairing them with mentors. While these meaningful relationships helped the kids navigate through tough times and gave them some of the social skills and confidence, the program’s funding is a victim of the punishing economic downturn. Mentoring Children of Prisoners, a program run by the Federal Administration for Children and Families, will pull its support on September 29, 2011.

Join us live on Family Life Behind Bars Radio as we speak to 15-year-old Jeremy Hosey and his mentor of the past year Ted Sangalis about how the program has benefited both of them. We’ll also speak to Jeremy’s mother, 37-year-old Joedy Aliseo about how this mentoring relationship brought stability into her and her son’s life. We’ll ask 28-year-old Ted how he found the time to mentor while studying law at Fordham University.

Kellie Phelan, the program coordinator, will also join us to discuss the next step for the program as its funding runs dry.

Join us and share your experiences as a mentee or mentor.

• Show Date: August 4

• Time: 7:00-7:30 p.m. ET
  

• To listen Live: call (626) 414-3521

• Skype in: Click on Skype symbol next to the phone number on the show page.

• To ask a question, press #1 on your dial

• Leave your thoughts and questions in the comments section below.

UPDATE: Listen to a recording of this segment by clicking on the embedded player below:

Join us live to speak with Reesy Floyd-Thompson who will be discussing her new publication “Separated by Prison, United by Conviction Journal.”

The journal has over 250 simple yet thought-provoking questions, quotes and scenarios to help couples in keeping their families together despite incarceration.

Share your experiences with one of the leading relationship coaches who specializes in couples separate because of incarceration.

Ms. Floyd-Thompson is the founder and president of Prisoners’ Wvies, Girlfriends and Partners (www.pwgp.org).

Join in LIVE as Family Life Behind Bars Radio interviews Ms. Floyd-Thompson, on July 28 @ 7:00  p.m. Eastern Time.

• Show Date: July 28

• Time: 7:00-7:30 p.m. ET
  

• To listen Live: call (626) 414-3521

• Skype in: Click on Skype symbol next to the phone number on the show page.

• To ask a question, press #1 on your dial

• Leave your thoughts and questions in the comments section below.

The Associated Press (used with permission)

UPDATE: The show will be co-hosted by Cee Flowers, the founder of The Prison Wives Movement.

Nonprofits have it tough during these lean economic times. The average non-profit has seen its funding cut by 10 to 25 percent over the past few years.

And those providing services that are perceived as less critical are hit even harder.

Sadly, that means your nonprofit–whether it helps kids visit their parent in prison or helps people reenter society after incarceration–will be affected.

It’s likely to get worse.

Deeper state and federal budget cuts are imminent. And even foundations that support nonprofits saw their own portfolios shrink during the economic crisis. They are now realigning their funding plans based on diminished resources.

But there’s no point in just trying to wait it out. It’s time to strategize a plan to keep your programs strong and providing the support and services people deserve.

To help with that Greg Cohen from Cause Effective, a group that advices non-profits on fundraising and fiscal planning, will be guest on Family Life Behind Bars Radio next Thursday, June 2 at 1:30 p.m. ET.

He’ll be on hand to discuss:
• How nonprofits can try to get more done with less money;
• Or in the worst case scenario, how they can maintain programs despite the cuts;
• How nonprofits have dealt with similar deep cuts in the past;
• Alternate or untapped forms of funding.

Greg will also take your questions live on the show.

You won’t want to miss the valuable advice provided by Cause Effective’s senior associate.

In the spirit of collaboration, tell others you know who might find this segment useful by using one of the share functions above.

• Show Date: Thursday, June 2

• Time: 1:30-2:00 p.m. ET
  

• To listen Live: call (626) 414-3521

• Skype in: Click on Skype symbol next to the phone number on the show page.

• To ask a question, press #1 on your dial

• Leave your thoughts and questions in the comments section below.

Gerald Whitehead holds a comb of honey from one of the hives at Sweet Beginnings in Chicago. Sweet Beginnings, a program that offers transitional jobs for formerly incarcerated men and women to help produce a bevy of natural products from the harvested honey, including lip balm, body cream, and lotion.

The program is based in Chicago’s West side neighborhood of North Lawndale, an area where nearly three-fifths of all the area’s adults are on probation, parole or incarcerated, according to research by the North Lawndale Employment Network.

(AP Photo/David Guttenfelder)

Jamila, left, plays on a seesaw with children of other female inmates on the prison yard of Pul-e Charkhi prison in Kabul, Afghanistan. Jamila, age 7 in the photo, and her mother Najiba who is serving a seven year sentence for adultery, have been in prison for since 2008. There are 226 young children in Afghanistan’s prisons, including many who were born there. They have committed no crime, but they live among the country’s 304 incarcerated women.

Family Life Behind Bars is posting a new photograph each week that captures the sense of isolation and struggle when families and friends are separated during incarceration. The gallery will also portray the joy of reunions. We want to also provide an international perspective by showcasing images of people’s experiences from around the world.

Many of these images (where credited) are provided with permission from the Associated Press. But we’d also like to showcase your experiences!

Many of these images (where credited) are provided with permission from the Associated Press. But we’d also like to showcase your experiences!

A Title I resource reading and math teacher, right, works with her third grade students. Title I, which provides grants for low-income schools. (AP Photo/Seth Perlman)

The Patsy Takemoto Mink Education Foundation for Low Income Women and Children will offer 5 grants of up to $2,000 each to low income mothers who are enrolled in education and/or training programs.

Applications will be accepted from May 1, 2010 through July 15, 2010.For eligibility criteria and application materials, please see the foundation website:

http://www.patsyminkfoundation.org

If you are a child of someone who is incarcerated and you have a question for me, you have three options:

1. Post a question in the comments section below,
2. Send an email to questions@livesinfocus.org,
3. Call (646) 867-1891 to leave a message.

I also welcome questions from others who might simply be interested in knowing more about how the life of children is affected when a parent is incarcerated.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS: Have you turned to support groups and how did that help you through this time in your life?

[Use the comments feature below or call (646) 867-1891 to leave an audio message.]

Suzette with her ex-husband

(Suzette Soltero wrote the following poem while visiting her ex-husband who is serving 28 years. He  has completed 18 so far):

The trip is dreadful, lots of trees pretty houses and women with children in a van going to visit loved ones that have been away in “confined quarters.”

Long roads with minimal lights & cars while still dark outside everyone trying to make themselves comfortable trying to sleep until their arrival and the driver calls out the facility’s name.

Writing information on a piece of paper, informing who you are.

Lockers holding belongings that aren’t permitted while you walk thru scanners hoping you don’t ring.

Florecent number stamping on the right hand slamming heavy doors bob-wires tall walls blue uniforms w/badges some w/hard faces others more relaxed greet you.

Escorted walks assigned seats & bells ringing while grown men in green come out the designated door giving a quick hello while they walk to check in.

Hugs, kisses, hand shakes, pounds, happy eyes, big smiles change for the vending machines singles for pics which capture the days visit five hours of conversation, memories, hopes & dreams children crying, playing happiness sadness – emotions, feelings all trapped in the visit room guarded by those blue uniforms w/badges as they look at every movement that is done.

The clock ticks & times flies & the moment to depart approaches like a thief in the night.

Emptiness fills the room as everyone prepares for that moment.  Children pull their daddy’s crying saying “let’s go” for they don’t understand.  Mothers, wives, girlfriends, significant others try to be strong as they say goodbye not to make the men in the green feel worse but emptiness fills the room.

A too familiar feeling as those heavy doors open & close behind you you feel as half your soul in left and entwined with the bob-wires handing the paper back getting your belongings & boarding the van again to see those long roads with minimal lights & a few more cars filling the highway.

All you remember is the smile try to rewind the moment you spend as you look at the picture breathing it all in until you feel it in your heart closing your eyes thinking, wondering what does the man in green feel right at that very moment.

Maybe one day your soul will be untwined & you will feel whole again but for now all you have to look forward too is “THE VISIT!”

Inspired by your experiences or by the poetry on this site? Interested in sharing it with others in your situation? Please fill out this form ]]> http://prison.livesinfocus.org/2010/02/22/poem-inspired-from-visiting-prison/feed/ 6